Parent Tips : Handling Self-Conscious Feelings

Stop being so self-conscious

Carlotta, as you may remember from her statement previous article, is reluctant to recite in class. She is a good student, but she just cannot bring herself to speak out in class – not even when she has something interesting or worth while to offer to the discussion.

What can Carlotta do about her self-conscious feelings? And what can you do, if this a problem that you also have, to handle such feelings?

First of all, keep reminding yourself that you are not the only one who ever feels this way. Do not be deceived by what seems to be great self-confidence in others. Often what seems to be self-assurance in one of your acquaintances is just a cover-up for below-the-surface feelings of uncertainty.

Next, remember that there are helpful ways of handling your self-conscious feelings and ways that are not so helpful. Carlotta, for example, lets her self-conscious feelings get the best of her. She thinks, “That is the way I am, and there is nothing I can do.”

At times, too, Carlotta tries to handle her problem by running away from it. When she was asked to take part in a class program, for instance, she accepted. But on the day of the program she said she had a headache – and she did not go to school that day. By afternoon, however, her headache had disappeared and she was feeling quite well again. What do you think of this method of handling self-conscious feelings?

As you may have decided, running away from a problem never solves it. On the other hand, facing the problem squarely and doing something about it helps you grow in confidence. Once you carry through a task that is difficult for you, you gain confidence and feel better. And each time you face up to a situation you dread, you become a little less self-conscious and afraid. But if you keep running away from difficulties, you never get practice in handling them successfully.

There is something else to remember, too. Other people are not paying nearly so much attention to you or being so critical as you feel they are. So instead of using energy worrying about what others are thinking, concentrate on the job you have to do.

Keep in mind also that there is nothing disgraceful about making a mistake or being wrong about something. Often you may hesitate to offer a comment in a discussion because you are not sure of yourself. “What if I make a mistake?” you think. Well, what if you do? Everyone makes mistakes.

Finally, it is worth remembering that self-conscious feelings can be advantageous to you. Often such feelings can cause you to “take inventory” of your abilities and then make an extra effort to improve yourself.